Wednesday, August 18, 2010

From The Bag Of Tricks: This Guy (Regress #5)

Calling all wispy, rat-faced pitchmen for couriers that parade fully grown men around in ballet dancer-snug brown sac chokers.

If that meets your description, and it most certainly does, take that simian shock of mangy Blind Melon hair and those sinister Ewokian eyes and gallop forthwith back to helming your local community college figure drawing class.

I'd sooner walk my package (please note: double entendre) across the Yucca Flats in size 5 tap shoes and crotchless lederhosen than watch your smug pucker-face for one more nanosecond.

I'll punch you.

Die, you devil-eyed, soulless monstrosity.  You genocidal, saw-fanged Dingo From Beyond.  Die.

Sweet, merciful Lord, I'd joyfully take a reanimated Billy Mays over this drooling man-jackel.  Make it so my sweet Prince of Peace.

Unless, of course, he has a bead on a gig for me. Then please forward him my carphone # so he can give me the specs.

Most urgently,
Denny DelVecchio


susi spice said...

lmao nice work denny...i missed you... :D

Love in the Dumps said...

what happened? Does Single Girlie hate this guy too?

Vodka and Ground Beef said...

"simian shock of mangy Blind Melon hair" HI-LARIOUS.

This guy is so smug; he's looks like he carries roofies around in his man purse.

Good work here Denny.

Would you date or make out with Nancy Grace?

singlegirlie said...

Oh, please, please wear the crotchless lederhosen! Oh, God, just do this one thing for me...

Ron-Yves said...

haha, nice one Denny....sac chokers, car-phones and a saw-fanged Dingo from beyond...

Your site only improves my vocabulary...


Denny DelVecchio said...

Denny writes what Denny feels, Ronnie. And missed his girl Spice.

I might do a flesh-intensive German dance for Single. A private one. Then, Dumps, she me. She me.

But only after sexting with Nancy Grace.