Thursday, August 12, 2010

From The Bag Of Tricks: Precious (Advance #18)

Before there was Precious (Based On The Novel "Push" By Some Self-Important Scribe I'm Mercifully Not Contractually Obligated To Awkwardly Include In This Similarly Cumbersome Parenthetical), there was Precious.

And why do I give her mad respect? Let me count the ways.

Residing in a ghoulish death-hovel in austere, cheerless Belvedere, Ohio? Check.

Living your days with a bloodthirsty maniac who makes breezy Can-Can outfits out of co-eds (and is the unquestioned Samurai of the no-wang dance)? Hell yeah.

Used as a cowardly canine bargaining chip in a desperate ploy by a portly abductee to secure sweet freedom from her nightmarish Prison of Horrors? Absolutely.

Being the most loyal "psychopath's best friend" this side of Robin Wright Penn?  Most assuredly.

You, my brave Bijon Frise, have more guts than Robert Pattinson at a bachelorette party.

May your upcoming Disney Silence of The Lambs reboot be everything you so hope it will be.

Denny salutes you, P. Dogg, with a big, fat Gaines-burger for that ass.

Dog's Best Friend,
Denny DelVecchio

4 comments:

Ron-Yves said...

haha---Gaines burgers? Are you shitting me---that commercial is hysterical...That shiz looks better than what I ate for dinner this evening (Alpo)...

-s

PS-I'm gonna shove something so far up your inbox tomorrow...

susi spice said...

i dont get why people dont just give dogs normal meat (uncooked) rather than canned processed meat that i wouldnt feed to my dog! lol

i wonder if the BF ever got the hose...

ps denny can i use ur hose? just need to water my garden..............

Karaoke Activity Partner said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q0q3xUFw_K4

My dead dog went as Buffalo Bill for halloween one year - complete with a precious that he ate a week later.

Denny DelVecchio said...

All three of those comments excited me for different reasons.