Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Regress #37: Hey Asshole, Why Didn't You Play My Request?


Let me get back to Friday night.

After my second shower of the week, followed by an Aqua Velva baptism, I squeezed Señor Manaconda into my favorite pair of black, snug-front Bugle Boys and embarked upon a sacred quest:

A mission to ensnare a pair of morally fallacious half-sisters from Scottsdale who would love me more for my checkbook than my heartbook?

A plan to awkwardly enfleshen a prim, virginal booksmith from stacks of the Greater Phoenix Metro Library System's Chandler branch?

Perhaps even a confused attempt to win back the erstwhile love of my life using a brazen scheme to harvest a kidney from a panhandler in order to save a young boy in Bulgaria?

If you answered anything but None of the Above you failed.

Because my simple quest was to have DJ Ricky Rise at Club Levitation play a certain slow jam especially for a special young lady who had caught my fancy through her entrancing, sirenic manner--one that sent so much wayward blood to my party regions even BP tipped its oily hat.

Denny simply wanted her to know how he felt.  And now our love-starved world may never realize what could have been.

Have you ever been in love, Mr. D.J. Rise?

Denny thought not.

Achingly,
Denny DelVecchio

4 comments:

Love in the Dumps said...

Those easter egg links were some of your best work, and that Dre Dr Pepper ad is the shiz

Denny DelVecchio said...

I've always been down with the CPT.

suchtightslacks.com said...

haha---was this mission successful or what? Aqua-Velva is usually a deal-clincher...

Denny DelVecchio said...

In an almost impossible twist, I lost sight of her. But I suspect she'll beep me any minute now. They always do.