Thursday, July 8, 2010

Advance #41: NBA Super-Journeyman Stays With Current Team

After tepid speculation and almost non-existent innuendo, bulky NBA uber-sub Brendan Haywood has decided to forgo the clean air, Polish sausage and beautiful lakes of the Greater Milwaukee Metro Area in order to follow his heart and stick with his surprisingly tolerant current team, the Dallas Mavericks.

"I was getting courted pretty hot and heavy by Andrew Bogut and Johnny Salmons up in Milwaukee, but in the end I decided to stay with the team--and the city---that I have loved for the better part of five months.

Said Bogut from his houseboat in Sydney, Australia: "Really? I thought Haywood was playing over in Turkey.  Good for him."

A humbled Haywood couldn't hide his delight.

"My roots run deep here in Dallas now, although it's not like I grew up here or anything. Oh, and the strip clubs are surprisingly competitive with bigger NBA markets."

Haywood signed for a league veteran minimum, and should get huge minutes off the Mavs' bench in 2010-11, especially if fellow C Erick Dampier retires as every man, woman and child in Dallas not related to him so wish he'd do forthwith.

Faith in Mankind Redeemed,
Denny DelVecchio

6 comments:

Denny DelVecchio said...

Actual email from a reader:

"Um, had you given any thought to covering the real story tonight? The LeBron James signing in Miami?"

Keep them coming. Please.

Love in the Dumps said...

I heard LaBron tried to get Haywood to become the 4th star, creating Miami 'Quice', but as you reported - he hearts Dallas.

suchtightslacks.com said...

Cover Lebron? Wasn't there enough coverage on the douche-bag? Kudos to you Devlecchio for covering some other b-baller who I won't be watching next season...

Denny DelVecchio said...

Kudos accepted. I like the Snickers ones better, however.

Love in the Dumps said...

I read somewhere that DelVecchio was one of LeBron's 'handpicked' journalists for his hourlong ESPN special last night but you gave him the high hat, choosing to cover this underrated Haywood story. LJ might have sold out for a ring Denny, but you didn't. Cheers.

Denny DelVecchio said...

I didn't get my Murrow for nothing, homeboy.