|You, sir, are an ugly Justin Long|
He won't become your fawning, eyelash-batting Scott Baio.
Sweet nothings to him may well involve a coyly placed digit in your Rusty Sheriff's Badge.
And his idea of a committed relationship is giving you bus fare home after a mangy, poorly-lit session of Dirty Heimlich.
But when he sees passion's sizzling embers squelched out prematurely, it makes his human side ache horrifically about what could have been.
Denny's having such a moment right now.
Pete and Ashlee are no more.
And Denny just died a little inside. And vomited a bit, too.
Now, he's off to try and find her carphone number. Need to pounce when the iron's hot.
Rebounding Like Kevin Love,