Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Advance #68: Denny's New York Sojourn

Denny's about to leave Cairo West, aka Wisconsin, for the concrete jungle where dreams are made of (sic), brazenly casting Carmelo Anthony's homecoming to page whogivesafuck in the local dailies.

That aside, even having grown up in relatively nearby Camden--where a declining student to crackpipe ratio is a source of civic pride--I've never been to this moldering crevice of illicit drugs, broken dreams, sectarian violence, and this diminutive low calorie Lothario. (Can I still crash on your floor, Brand?)

Uncertain that New York can adequately raise its ample lovemound to meet Denny's touristy thrusts, I'm calling upon any DelVecchian who has experienced this "Windy City" firsthand to post any advice that might help me navigate my way through the rotting, wicked undead reputedly pocking the burg's avenues.

Denny DelVecchio


Unknown said...

It's hard to explain survival skills in NYC if you've never been to a BIG BIG city like it. Just keep in mind: your destination and your guide/map. Although new York is just amazing to look at and wander around, it's not exactly the safest place to do so. Don't look for short cuts in dark, isolated places either. And if you have anything in your pockets, make sure you keep your hands in them for protection (haha). I wish I can visit you! I'm 30 minutes away from the city, but seeing how my parents are afraid I might get murdered taking the subway by myself, it will be impossible. have fun!

Love in the Dumps said...

I don't think New York City's love mound is big enough for Denny's Purple Geaded Warrior. We're taking pictures, btw.

Anonymous said...

Watch out for those friggin rats. Oh and avoid walking over manholes your flares may blow up. Oh and take a comb.

Denny DelVecchio said...

No sleep till Brooklyn, DelVecchians....

singlegirlie said...

1. Thank you for calling attention to the glaring grammatical error in that annoying song. Jay Z & Alicia Keys ain't the brightest lights in that big city.

2. Tell the business man who sells AA & AAA batteries on the F train I said hello.

3. Please send a copy of the sex tape you and Brand make in his hole in the wall. I have my rabbit on standby.

Denny DelVecchio said...

1. I'd still need to change my panties if I ever met HOVA.

2. Did.

3. It's filmed on Super 8, and, coincidentally, took place in a Super 8.