Monday, August 30, 2010

Regress #46: Wow, This Is Awkward

Hello there. Steve, right? From purchasing?  How the hell have you been, bro?

That's fantastic! I hadn't heard that you were promoted to Region 6.2 team leader. That's really great, man.  Really great. And, I'm sure, well-deserved.

Wow . . . okay, this, uh, is appreciably more awkward than it was when I rehearsed it a few minutes ago in the bathroom mirror.

You probably just want me to cut to the chase, huh? Fair enough. You deserve that much.

The truth is that I'm in a bit of a pickle here and I'm wondering if you might be able to, you know, help a brother out.

Okay, so Denny was holding rhythmic court under the electric stars of Club Labyrinth last night when I saw a curvy, well-lubed night-minx prowling her way across the room in search of a little company.

My DelVecchian coyness was no match for her milky thighs, pouty breasts, well-seasoned femininity and azure, Come Here Now, Bitch! eyes. In a heartbeat we were in the V.I.P, twin slaves to a bottomless decanter of Patron and our newly-fused lust for the hunt.

By midnight, a graffiti-scarred bus shelter was all that stood between an urgent, tangled embrace of mutually-yearning flesh and the feral Phoenix night.

After I set her up with a kiss and bus fare (including J-line transfer) home, I quickly realized that I had forgotten to secure my tender Lioness' phone number.

I was resigned to chalking it up as another sad, temporal, ghost of a relationship until I passed your desk this morning and saw my vision--my Edith--smiling from a photo of your graduation from what appeared to be Maricopa County Community College.

So I'm wondering if you'd be so kind as to shoot me your Mom's digits today when you get a second.


Pops Veccs,
Denny DelVecchio


Love in the Dumps said...

Club Labyrinth. The font on the Minx porn. A decantur of Patron and the J transfer. This is an epic lovestory, even without the sex scene. Looking forward to the director's cut.

Denny DelVecchio said...

Loving the props, homeslice.

And Holy Fucking Shit @ 2:52 in the Richie vid...breaking it off proper

Vodka and Ground Beef said...

"After I set her up with a kiss and bus fare (including J-line transfer) home, I quickly realized that I had forgotten to secure my tender Lioness' phone number."


And "Like a well-endowed Phillis Diller" is tagged?? I love it.

PS. She wasn't good enough for you Denny.

singlegirlie said...

I hate when my breasts get pouty. When they do I usually slap 'em around and tell them to snap out of it, little bitches.

You can have Edith, Dens. I fully understand the allure of the GILF.

susi spice said...

community college? well at least she has some basic literacy

just kidding!

im jealous :(

Bearman said...

The song says "Say You, Say Me, Say it together" I never could figure out if we were supposed to say "YOU" "ME" or "IT" in unison.

Denny DelVecchio said...

@Vodka: Now you're getting a full sense for your new, decadent DelVecchian lifestyle. You're welcome, love.

@Single: Edith can be relegated to a side project. No worries there, lavapants.

@Spice: Denny dropped out of 7th grade, yet routinely wins the home version of the Scripps Howard National Spelling Bee. Parchment paper isn't everything.

@Bear: How is that DelVecchio cartoon that I recently commissioned coming along?

bluntdelivery said...

i know you wrote this blog about lionel richie, but are you sure...

it wasn't me you're looking for?