Advance #32: I Finally Made My Katy Perry Move

Behold the actual transcript of my booty texts to one Katy Some Middle Name Perry last evening starting at 1:57 am Pacific Time (much love to the esteemed Hollywood valet and former classmate Sammy "Slim Bone" Delfino for the digits):

DD: holla
KP: who dis?

DD: denny motherfunkin dance, baby. and i want to rock that body rite
KP: ?????? u frndz w russ?

DD: Not since I saw him with that Venezuelan meat-hustler in West Hollywood last week.  russell brand who?
KP: OMFG. how u get this #?

DD: better gt him 2 the greek (doctor who has strong antibiotics)
KP: WTF?

DD: OMG....the text is coming from inside the house
KP: SICK FK. I WL KICK UR AZZ.

DD: can i have some cherry Chapstick first?
KP: LMFAO. this iz luke isn't it?  had me goin u euro-bitch boy.

DD: k, time to get real.  no more frontin'. it's denny delvecchio of Your New Bad Habit. I heard you liked my flow.

DD: katy?

DD: miss perry?

DD: your new song with the D-OH Double G is fly.

DD: boxers.

DD: wld u mind replying soon, because my txts are 10 cents each. tnx.

DD: yo momma's so fat she's on both sides of yr family

DD: k...didn't mean that last 1. srry.  uncalled 4.

DD: i'm just a boy standing in front of a girl asking her to love him 

DD: the human body hz 212 bones. u wnt to make it 213? 

DD: srry...that wuz a crazy idea.

DD: the boy standing in front of a girl 1 not the extra bone 1

DD: u have an okcupid.com profile?

DD: i'm ebonyprince77

DD: j/k. i've nvr heard of okcupid.com

DD: k...can we start over?

[end of transcript]

Her Move Now,
Denny DelVecchio