Tuesday, May 10, 2011

From The Bag of Tricks: Denny's First Term Paper (Advance #58)

It was in a tender, breezy Fall in a better time and place when a scholarly young lad turned his eyes skyward in askance, wondering aloud who he should select as the subject of his very first term paper. 

Would it be Ghandi? JFK? Joe Montana? Conrad Bain?

As Denny spun the names over in his head like so many fateful lottery balls, one number kept getting sucked through the pneumatic of my mind, revealed by a perky, eager to please young spokesmodel with a hooker's morals but a concubine's heart.

And what did that beautiful white ball reveal?

Read on . . .

October 7, 1986

Hello. My name is Denny DelVeciho which meaens Denny of the Vecchio in Italan (do I get extra credit for that Miss DiLazio?)and I picked out a super awsome guy for the person on Earth that I most admire the most of any person on Earth.

My father.

Just kidding. I haven't seen my dad in six years. The last I hurd he was selling his penis down by the warehouse dictrict for $10 and a menthol cigarette.

But anyway the person I most admire in the universe is Johnny Lawrence from the Karatie Kid. He's handsome and can kick ass so bad and he should have swept the leg and also kicked that little chinees dudes face in and then totally had sex with the blond girl, maybe in the locker room or could be in his car. And maybe they could have done it twice or even three times. He probably drived a kick butt car like an ElCamino that Denny is saving up his money for now. I have $17.80.

Any way those are the resons I really like Johnny Lawrence. I want to meet him someday and then when I do meet him Ill tell him that hes my hero and that we should go have a lot of sex together. Like with hot chicks. Maybe ones in Philly. That's a big city near Camden.

I saw a real boob last week by the way it was my counsin Dahlia's and I went into the bathroom to bust a grumpy and i saw her get out of the shower and their were boobs. She's 19 so they were xtra big. 

I also think Jesus Christ is cool (Tony G. told me to say that just in case Jesus reads my paper or some shit).

Anyway to sum up my term paper, my favorite person in the world is the blone guy from Karate kid, I saw my counsints boobs and if Jesus is reading this what I was doing last week in the closet was a science experment.

Denny DelVeciho


Bearman said...

Whatever happened to that badass from Karate Kid. He was like in 3 movies and then disappeared.

Miss LeTourneau said...

I only passed you because you made love so gentle.

Linda Medrano said...

Oh Lord, Denny, this is an awesome term paper. I hope you got at least a B+ on it. You threw in a lot of detail and I like that. You know how to astound and confound your audience in equal measure and that should account for something. Well done! *Okay, maybe that's a slight exaggeration but I believe the carrot should be used before the stick if you get my drift and I'm sure that you do.

singlegirlie said...

Holy fugg, was that your dad? Tell him I want my Newport back.

You're the best... around.

pattypunker said...

bust a grumpy? ewwwww denny, just ewwww.

funny shit no pun intended.

Anonymous said...

You're illiterate. Maybe consider not having a blog.

Dr. Cynicism said...

Dr. Cynicism hereby grants you an A+. May it ameliorate the mental torment that haunts you caused by never meeting Johnny.

Denny DelVecchio said...

@Bear: $19.99 oil change before 5:00.

@MKL: Imposter. You were a Mrs.

@Linda: In Camden, a B+ is an A+.

@Single: Let's do it to the end credits like the old times.

@Double P: You know what Denny's talking about, love.

@Anonymous: Hate isn't sexy. Now go shower and put that dress on that I bought you. Remember I'm only paying you for the weekend.

@Doc Sin: Actually, met him once in Philly. I didn't have the $10 he needed for a tug.

Denny DelVecchio said...

Best. Fake. Grade. Ever.

Anonymous said...

While everything you do is magic, these are my favorite posts of yours.

Denny DelVecchio said...

@Anon (that u B?): De doo do do di da da da.