Monday, May 23, 2011

Advance #77: Sweet Literary Heroin For Your Withering Soul

Eagle/Whitesnake/Wiggle/Greedo/Nordic Track-Themed Number
It's Monday again.

Besides the cruel white indoor light boring into what's left of your benumbed soul and/or you hoping against hope that your cock-swallow of a supervisor hasn't installed internet tracking software on your 1999 Compaq Presario, you don't have much in the way of mirth staring you in the face (or anywhere your PENIS).

Well stay tuned this week as Double D unfurls these panty-moistening slices of what Esquire has called  "mock-journalistic reverse cowgirl for the masses."

And, by special request of Carthage College Baseball Coach Augie Schmidt, IV, we're doing it Billboard Music Award Style:

Party/Bacardi rhyme garners 2011 Soul Train Lifetime Achievement Award.

Dismissive Toni Basil Fan Club Vice-Pres: "Mickey not even in Toni's Top 10."

D.J. humbly disavows responsibility for getting you falling in love again.

New 'She'riff in Town?: Rihanna's yawning vagina now preferred 4:1 To Britney's.

Rumors of Kanye West being underrated overrated.

Report: Richard Marx will totally suck your dick if you love him again. 

Usher promises to leave club on next song.

Emaciated dandy's plea to thuggish street gangs: "show them how funky strong is your fight."

Actual pitbull still waiting for guest cameo in loving home.

Passionate About His Music,
Denny DelVecchio


Bearman said...

I never stopped loving Richard Marx

Dr. Cynicism said...

Please tell me you're being picked up by a major news/entertainment outfit. Oh and Esquire - I'm still waiting for my royalties! "...Esquire has called "mock-journalistic reverse cowgirl for the masses.""

Denny DelVecchio said...

Hey Bear...hold on to the nights.

Doc Sin, there's a bidding war going on now between UPI and the now defunct Karaoke Activity Partner for the rights to these.

Anonymous said...

How long has Richard Marx been right here waiting?

Bless you for the absence of the Bieber!

pattypunker said...

get me a panty liner, double d cuz this has my funky feeling all strong. kinda like gwyneth paltrow country strong only really juiced.

also i'm retiring "skank cake" and using "cock swallow" as the nickname for my boss.

Anonymous said...

Yawning Vagina sounds like a good name for a band

Penelope said...

The Soul Train Lifetime Achievement Award is mos def warranted. Congrats, Party/Bacardi rhyme! Where the hell would we be without you? Where!?!

I am also on the Richard Marx train going on here in the comments. Ooooh, Richard Marx train. Yum.

xoxo Double D -


Denny DelVecchio said...

@Loon: about 6 and a half minutes.

@Double P: Denny hereby releases any copyright interest in cock swallow.

@Good Nurse: You catch on quick. But it came in second to Bathroom Sounds back in '91.

@Plope: Denny's a Marxist.

JUST ME said...

I hate to break it to people, but B. Spear's vajayjay is so full up with anti-psychotics that it most likely resembles a gumball machine.

Denny DelVecchio said...

Denny has a roll of shiny pennies.

Anonymous said...

You're amazing.

Denny DelVecchio said...

Is that you, Puffy?