Saturday, December 4, 2010

From The Bag Of Tricks: Severing Diplomatic Relations (Advance #27)

In a fiery display of solidarity with this site's longtime allies in Seoul, Your New Bad Habit today formally cut all diplomatic ties with Pyongyang, catapulting its often percussive relationship with the cloistered state into icy new territory.

Besides my preternatural disdain for pygmy despots hell-bent on feasting on the loins of power at any cost, that lock-step marching video they always play on Fox and Friends creeps Denny the fuck out.

The truth is that I'm willing to settle this whole thing right now in the same manner by which hundreds of generations of rivals have: erotic jello wrestling.

The ball's in your court now, 'Lil Kim.

With Much Pride,
Denny DelVecchio


Anonymous said...


bschooled said...

You did the right thing, my loins of power famined Den-drophilaic.

That's why I nominated you for CNN Heroes, as well as next season's "The Bachelor".(But that goes without saying.)

bluntdelivery said...

lil kim can suck it.

and probably has.

Dr. Cynicism said...

Ahhh... You said Lil Kim as a play on words regarding Kim Jong-il. I see what you did there my friend and it's saucy.

Love in the Dumps said...

You may have cut your ties with Pyongyang, but I hope you didn't do the same with Poontang.

Anonymous said...

Hey Denny,

You could always put together your own army. I excel in jello wrestling and doing what I'm told. I am sure I could learn goose-stepping no problem.

I even have my own soldier, um, outfit.


Denny DelVecchio said...

@KAP: Does that mean funny or vagina? I'm good either way.

@B: I have a rose for you, love.

@Blunty: I have it on good authority that he has. Thrice.

@Doc Sin: Play on words?

@Dumps: It's up there with air, blood, food and water.

@Nikki: Somebody has just earned herself the title of "DelVecchian."

Bearman said...

Maybe if Lil Kim sang like Lil Kim and looked like Lil Kim we wouldn't be in this mess.

vodka and ground beef said...

Erotic jello wrestling. Can we?

Denny DelVecchio said...

@Bear: They both have fake tits.

@Vodka: We just did. Next time I want you there.

singlegirlie said...

OMG. First you challenge Mel Gibson to a bar brawl and now you goad Lil Kim with the jello wrestling.

I am hot for you, Denny, you hairy hunk of macho man, you. I've had my high school cheerleader uniform cleaned and pressed in anticipation of the big day. I'm going to do a herkie for you.

Team Denny all the way!

Denny DelVecchio said...

@Single...let me be your hero.

Anonymous said...

There is no friggin way Kimmy Jong Il is going to take his safari suit off for a jello wrestle. Now if Hillary did, I'm sure he would watch!

singlegirlie said...

I need a hero. I'm holding on for a hero till the end of the night. You've gotta be strong and you've gotta be fast and you've gotta be fresh from the fight.

I need my Denny.

I will lick that jello off your bod when you're through kicking lil ass.

nursemyra said...

I wish I could march like a Korean