Thursday, September 23, 2010

From The Bag Of Tricks: Spoiler Alert #3 (The Empire Strikes Back)

Despite the fact that they look nothing alike and had different last names, I was amazed to discover, as a grimy 11 year old huffer nestled in the back row of Camden Westpointe Mall Theater #7, that Darth Benjamin Eric Vader had sired our very own Luke (middle name unknown) Skywalker.

I later learned, as an irresistible 33 year old grifter, that the younger Jedi had sprung from Natalie Portman's fertile uterus (screen shot of birth scene here) after she had been lovingly pollinated by a youthful, chiseled James Earl Jones. You think the Terminator time-space continuum issues were troubling? This was a true Jedi Mindfuck!

Either way, I wept like a professional athlete at this emotionally penetrating moment in film history. And surely you will, too.

Blessed,
Denny DelVecchio

10 comments:

bluntdelivery said...

emotionally penetrating?

i'm not sure i've yet experienced a moment quite like that.

i'm not a girl, not yet a woman.

singlegirlie said...

Penetrate me with your light saber.

bschooled said...

This reminds me of a Made For TV movie that was on the same night I lost my virginity for the third time. (What can I say, back then I wasn't allowed to watch porn.)

The only difference being that in the TV version, the younger Jedi had sprung from an equestrian uterus. http://www.dlisted.com/files/torispellingbdayslut1.jpg

Dr. Cynicism said...

WTF?! Vader is his father?! Son of a...

Vodka and Ground Beef said...

"Youthful chiseled James Earl Jones."

Sensual.

Denny DelVecchio said...

@My DelVecchians:

Denny loves equine Lifetime movies.

Denny has experienced emotional penetration.

Denny was likewise gobsmacked by the revelation regarding the Sith Lord.

and Denny has a light saber. Literally. It's green.

Now Denny must slumber. Keep the Danceman's soulful vanilla flame burning until dawn.

nursemyra said...

I've never watched any of the Star Wars films....

susispice said...

have i been around your blog that long that I know now whenever your regurgitating past posts?? lol

looks like he is reciting shakespear...

"to use the force or not to use the force...that is the question"..

Love in the Dumps said...

AHHAHA oh man did Susispice just 'out' Darth Denny?

Denny DelVecchio said...

If it was a literary reference that took place before 1975, the answer is yes. And will always be yes.

Just like with anything you ask me.