Saturday, January 9, 2010

Regress #2: Global "Warming"

I woke up early this afternoon (big shout out to for another very special, very late Friday evening) to find that two of my metatarsals were frozen together (no big shout out to APS Energy Services).

After managing to separate them via a tin of Sterno Canned Heat, I quickly turned my anger on those witless trolls who still think that our planet is getting warmer. Warmer?  Really? That's like saying that Kanye West didn't deserve to have been bequeathed few reflective moments of his own from that pudgy, scene-hogging tart. Are we in a world gone mad? Maybe.  But we're most definitely in a world gone cold.

To show you why, I have three points:

Point #1: every year it gets colder around September. Yes, colder.  Any rebuttal, Mr. Global Cooling Denier? Or are you too busy taking your massive, gas-hogging limo to your climate summit while snorting a line of pleasure powder off of the inner thigh of your paid escort--I mean research associate. Ahh, silence. Beautiful silence.

Point #2: it was bone-rattling in my beloved Arizona this morning.  The 30s.  More than froid enough to temporarily weld one's phalanges together. Regina George cold. If the globe is truly warming, it wouldn't get all Iditeroddy in the same place that even the Dark Prince Lucifer shies away from for months at a time. A convenient truth, if you ask me.

I don't really have a 3rd point, but I think points #1 and #2 got it done for me.

You've heard the whispers.  Now they're a shout.  Global Warming is Dead.  Good riddance, you old bat.

Your shiver-bro,
Denny DelVecchio

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