Tuesday, December 28, 2010

From The Bag Of Tricks: Hey Asshole, Why Didn't You Play My Request? (Regress #37)

Let me get back to Friday night.

After my second shower of the week, followed by an Aqua Velva baptism, I squeezed Señor Manaconda into my favorite pair of black, snug-front Bugle Boys and embarked upon a sacred quest:

A mission to ensnare a pair of morally fallacious half-sisters from Scottsdale who would love me more for my checkbook than my heartbook?

A plan to awkwardly enfleshen a prim, virginal booksmith from stacks of the Greater Phoenix Metro Library System's Chandler branch?

Perhaps even a confused attempt to win back the erstwhile love of my life using a brazen scheme to harvest a kidney from a panhandler in order to save a young boy in Bulgaria?

If you answered anything but None of the Above you failed.

Because my simple quest was to have DJ Ricky Rise at Club Levitation play a certain slow jam especially for a special young lady who had caught my fancy through her entrancing, sirenic manner--one that sent so much wayward blood to my party regions even BP tipped its oily hat.

Denny simply wanted her to know how he felt.  And now our love-starved world may never realize what could have been.

Have you ever been in love, Mr. D.J. Rise?

Denny thought not.

Denny DelVecchio


Anonymous said...

God, how many times did I play the New Jack City soundtrack as a kid?
As Ice-T said, "I got so much cash, gotta keep it in a Hefty Bag!"
Those were the days, my friend!

Anonymous said...

Oh and fun fact, my grandpa used Aqua Velva, so should we ever hook up it'll be like you're family!

Anonymous said...

I remember listening to this song in the back of your Chevy Impala that night a few years back. You told me, "Naw, those notches in the dashboard mean the number of brain cells I have left babe" and I believed you.


bschooled said...

I would love you for your heartbook, Denny. I even wrote a poem about it.

Everyday my life without U
is like a hundred years,
the distance B-tween us
n ocean of tears.
See all the things I do
4 U are 4 love. Dig it?

I mean every word, D. (Especially the U ones.)

Denny DelVecchio said...

@KAP: I never even heard the music...but the sweet melody of our hurried lovemaking.

@B: That's the most beautiful thing I've ever had someone read for me in my life.

@OCD: I'm all over Old Spice lately.

Love in the Dumps said...

Denny you sure love that Bugle Boy commercial, this is like the tenth time you linked to it. I think you like the model. I don't blame you. He's cute.

bschooled said...

Thanks, D. It's because I was rolling my 'r's. And also, I was wearing Exclamation perfume.

Anonymous said...

Dear Danny,

Surely you didn't need a DJ to get a woman thinking about your party regions?

Please don't tell me you're losing your touch.

Although. What woman can resist that jam?