Regress #38: World Cuppers To Play Final With Children Attached To Hands

In a misguided attempt to add to the tension and strategic heft of today's World Cup final between Spain and The Netherlands, FIFA President Sepp Blatter is apparently requiring all players to drag a small child around with them as they navigate the field in search of soccer immortality.

Ratings whores.

Disgusted,
Denny DelVecchio