Monday, November 1, 2010

From The Bag Of Tricks : Tell Them The Truth, Progressive Flo (Regress #19)

There are actually human beings--or very close--who choose to believe that you're an auto insurance huckster rather than a Lucifer-spawned Emissary of Perdition.

And putting that small detail aside for a moment, I can still think of several entertainment industry namesakes who have comfortably exceeded your level of "Flo" realness.

Hurts doesn't it?

Your Revlon Lot Lizard Luscious lip paint and Rocky Horror Transvestite eye shadow only further suggest your true identity as one of the Beast's earth-stationed minions. I half expect a 1-900 number to start crawling across the screen offering your carnal services to the sad and lovelorn roaming the Church of Satan.

What's crystal clear is that you're going to fail in your lurid quest for our souls. You can take that to the bank.

Denny intends to stop the legions of misinformed, cartoonish disciples from believing that you're something you're not.  And make no mistake, you cloven-hoofed shill--they will learn the truth.

Without irony,
Denny DelVecchio

11 comments:

Bearman said...

Hope she is packing away the money on this gig.

singlegirlie said...

Woooo! Am I the first commenter? Or are there some in the queue before me, waiting for approval? If so, damn you.

But for reals? I know Flo. Well, I've met her. She's a Groundling in LA - I took classes there. Her name is Stephanie Courtney. She's actually very funny and great at improv.

I concede that Flo is annoying. Satanic, if you wish, my love.

Denny DelVecchio said...

Denny's confused. Are you suggesting that she's a real person? And not one of Lucifer's she-jackels?

Denny's hosting a Dozens tournament later this month. Tell her to bring it.

Bear, she's already secured a spot in the hellfires below. Money is no object.

frigginloon said...

"Flo" is that some kinda rapster punk type name? Progressive my ass!!!

bschooled said...

You're so mellifluous when you're angry.

Denny DelVecchio said...

@Loon:Flo Rida!

@B: 6th grade New Jersey public school education.

singlegirlie said...

Don't be confused, my love. Titties. There, are you back on track?

Wait... now I'm confused - what is a Dozens tourney?

Karaoke Activity Partner said...

No one should be named after the grandma slang for menstrual cycle. Just ask my daughter, Monthly Curse.

Denny DelVecchio said...

Single:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Dozens

You chose wisely, KAP.

Anonymous said...

Revlon Lot Lizard Luscious lip... cosmetic discription brilliance!

Dr. Cynicism said...

Let's form a posse wielding holy water, rosary beads, young and old priests, and force people to switch to Geico or State Farm.