Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Advance #24: Nick Lachey Will Heal Our Broken World

The global economy is in virtual free fall, two apocalyptic environmental disasters are cravenly mocking us in unison, and mud-slinging and paranoia are sinking our political discourse to new, unmined depths.

And the cruel troika of poverty, war and disease are plowing forward with sinister new traction.

Some are whispering that there's no hope for our future.

Well I say there sure the fuck is as long as the the Alabaster Groinasaurus is still dropping his silky smooth jams.

That's right--we need you more than ever, Nicky Dreams.

Step up, suggestively grind your svelte, percussive hips and coolly transform this broken world into your own personal pleasuredome.

Then impregnate our souls with your Miles Davis-esque Southern Ohio funk.

A Believer,
Denny DelVecchio

3 comments:

Anna Jane said...

New Kids on the whaaat? Backdoor boys? 'N stink? 98 degrees all the way!! In other words, Nick Lachey, his brother, some guy with a 98 degrees tat (someone jumped the gun..) and the guy who looks like he could be on 'To Catch a Predator.'

-anna jane

Denny DelVecchio said...

I'll concede that 36.67 Degrees (as they are known in metric-focused Europe) was one of the top 25 boy bands of 2001.

Blanks said...

Sorry, I'm a B2K man.