Regress #30: Tom Cruise Has Gone To Shit

Although I prefer to remember him as the cocksure, lofty-cheekboned buck that delivered us the indelible Jerry Maguire, Mitch McDeere and Maverick, the Tom Terrific that I saw at the 2010 MTV Twilight Awards was a portly bald carapace of the grandeur that once was.

It's easy to want to lay this at the bound feet of his young prisoner wife, yet I can't help but think that the hirsute clown simply stopped taking care of his golden temple the way that Double D does.

Worse yet, it appears he's ripped his look straight from cubicle-jockey Ty Eason.

Ashamed,
Denny DelVecchio