Saucy, impetuous Daughter of Thor.
Shimmering, ample-chested Tigress of the Mountains.
Everyone's Favorite Jutting Female Rump.
Hella-fine, dimpled Enchantress of the Downhill.
America's Most Attractive Athlete With a Vagina.
Mrs. Denny DelVecchio.
It really doesn't matter what people call you. You're simply destined to be America's Sweetheart. Like Mary Lou Retton, only beddable. And, yes, this virile Italian Sex-Yeti wants to dance with you in a most forbidden manner. Not illegal. Just forbidden.
Injury? Ha. Double D will mend your rebelling, impetuous fibula with my sweet Sorcerer's touch--a sultry lightning bolt of healing from your favorite freaky plaything.
Forget the box, you're the Wheaties. And I'm the 2%.
Stay Gold Lindsey.
Your first love,
Denny DelVecchio
