Advance #52: It's My Motherfunkin' Birthday

Not a lot of time to chit-chat today, DelVecchians, as Denny will soon be off to confidently enfleshen any number of skankatronic Phoenix-area sauceboxes until the break of dawn. But I wanted to make sure that you were on notice that today is significantly more important to you than you thought it was.

Yes, it was on this date many moons ago that Denny sprang, fully moustached, from Arabella Madonna DelVecchio's life-giving maternal Chia Pet.

Although I typically eschew gifts that are not attached to and/or that don't originate with another's body, I prepared a list of items that, if you're so inclined, would make my minute when opened:

Cash.

Denny has exactly $7.11 and three Southwest Airlines drink coupons to get me to the end of August unless I decide to peddle my loins as I was last forced to do in 2008 (remember "Too Big To Fail"?).

Still Growing,
Denny DelVecchio