Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Spoiler Alert #3: The Empire Strikes Back

Despite the fact that they look nothing alike and had different last names, I was amazed to discover, as a grimy 11 year old huffer nestled in the back row of Camden Westpointe Mall Theater #7, that Darth Benjamin Eric Vader had sired our very own Luke (middle name unknown) Skywalker.

I later learned, as an irresistible 33 year old grifter, that the younger Jedi had sprung from Natalie Portman's fertile uterus (screen shot of birth scene here) after she had been lovingly pollinated by a youthful, chiseled James Earl Jones. You think the Terminator time-space continuum issues were troubling? This was a true Jedi Mindfuck!

Either way, I wept like a professional athlete at this emotionally penetrating moment in film history. And surely you will, too.

Denny DelVecchio


Anonymous said...

I always felt a bit sad for Anakin. He went from doing the Bony Maroney with a supple queen to living his whole life in a choking asbestos suit.


Blanks said...

He did have a cool hatch, which probably had HBO.