Monday, October 25, 2010

From The Bag Of Tricks: Nick Lachey Will Heal Our Broken World (Advance #24)


The global economy is in virtual free fall, two apocalyptic environmental disasters are cravenly mocking us in unison, and mud-slinging and paranoia are sinking our political discourse to new, unmined depths.

And the cruel troika of poverty, war and disease are plowing forward with sinister new traction.

Some are whispering that there's no hope for our future.

Well I say there sure the fuck is as long as the the Alabaster Groinasaurus is still dropping his silky smooth jams.

That's right--we need you more than ever, Nicky Dreams.

Step up, suggestively grind your svelte, percussive hips and coolly transform this broken world into your own personal pleasuredome.

Then impregnate our souls with your Miles Davis-esque Southern Ohio funk.

A Believer,
Denny DelVecchio

12 comments:

frigginloon said...

Damn, I was wondering where that mom jeans marrying son-of-a-bitch Lachey had gone. Equilibrium is now back in my world. Bless Denny, bless!

Vodka and Ground Beef said...

How does Nicky L. keep a straight face during this video?

He's soulful, but he's no double D.

But I guess it was pretty cool when the computer melted and Vanessa Manillo turned into a gorgon.

xoxo,
Gossip Girl

Nubian said...

Denny, you have spoiled us with your heat and suave ~ there is no other, no matter how many videos you try to trap us with to see if we will falter and stray, I have my shrine and I am strong.

Bearman said...

For a minute, I thought he came out with a new song but it's the same ol' crap.

haha and my word verification is "sheat"

How fitting.

Karaoke Activity Partner said...

True Story -

When I went to see Justin Timberlake at the Roseland Ballroom in 2006, I was incredibly - really to a new level - wasted. My friend and I had gone to the Russian Vodka Room prior (my cherry poppin' time) and just got spun. Before the show, we are trying to figure out why we are there, who we are there for, if we remembered to put clean underwear on, and looked up. Nick Lachey and his now girlfriend were sitting at a table looking down at the crowd. I started screaming - at the top of my lungs - "Team Nick!" because him and that Church Whore that he was married to were going through their divorce. I was asked my security to keep it down or be asked to leave.... Probably the same security that asked my friend, "Ma'm do you need an ambulance?"

BTW - I'm really hurt "disease" did not refer back to me.

... and PS - I posed something for you, in your honor because like Brian Adams, everything I do, I do it for you.

Love in the Dumps said...

"southern ohio funk". There was never a bigger oxymoron. Except for this statement: "Denny DelVecchio doesn't have Erectile Dysfunction."

singlegirlie said...

I got about 14 seconds in and had to shut it off. I was too verklempt. I'm sorry, my love. I really, really tried.

bschooled said...

I would crawl under your skin like a hunger, like a burning, Denny.

Really, it's all I know.

Denny DelVecchio said...

@Loon: Denny gives. That's what he does.

@Vodka: You like GG, too? Nah, just playin. But I do have a Blake Lively Real Doll.

@Nubian: Suave is the only shampoo Denny allows into his Cleansing Temple.

@Bear: I, too, was momentarily excited at the thought of a new silky joint from the handsomest Lachey.

@KAP: That was one of your best stories ever. The afterword was especially gripping. I can't find the post to which you refer, however.

@Dumps: When you dis Dre you dis yourself.

@Single: You lasted longer than Dumps usually does. ZING!

@B: Enter the Dragon.

Karaoke Activity Partner said...

The aborted babies daddy - don't you know your nick name by now?

susi spice said...

im sorry denny... was i that contageous/????? hahhaa

Denny DelVecchio said...

@KAP: Oh that.

@Spice: Yes. Thanks again.