Thursday, April 29, 2010

Advance #18: Precious

Before there was Precious (Based On The Novel "Push" By Some Self-Important Scribe I'm Mercifully Not Contractually Obligated To Awkwardly Include In This Similarly Cumbersome Parenthetical), there was Precious.

And why do I give her mad respect? Let me count the ways.

Residing in a ghoulish death-hovel in austere, cheerless Belvedere, Ohio? Check.

Living your days with a bloodthirsty maniac who makes breezy Can-Can outfits out of co-eds (and is the unquestioned Samurai of the no-wang dance)? Hell yeah.

Used as a cowardly canine bargaining chip in a desperate ploy by a portly abductee to secure sweet freedom from her nightmarish Prison of Horrors? Absolutely.

Being the most loyal "psychopath's best friend" this side of Robin Wright Penn?  Most assuredly.

You, my brave Bijon Frise, have more guts than Robert Pattinson at a bachelorette party.

May your upcoming Disney Silence of The Lambs reboot be everything you so hope it will be.

Denny salutes you, P. Dogg, with a big, fat Gaines-burger for that ass.

Dog's Best Friend,
Denny DelVecchio

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Sapphire would kick your punk ass to next Wednesday, son.

Wil said...

It's remarkable how a relatively minor character in a movie has retained arguably the 2nd most cultural significance (after H.L.) of any in it.

I think Ted Levine is a wildly underrated actor and he absolutely nailed Jame Gumb.

I'm not sure this movie could be made in 2010.

Denny DelVecchio said...

I could totally take Sapphire.

She's a pro wrestler right?