Saturday, February 20, 2010

Regress #7: Faux Contrition

It could be because Denny Dance keeps it so very real.  It could be because I'm half man, half Minotaur and half 16th Century Spanish nobleman.  Or, perchance, it's because they try and copy my swagger.

But one thing I never have had to do is say I'm sorry.

However, in a nightmarish parallel universe where I had to apologize, I can assure you--my starstruck young underling--that I would damn well mean it.  I would mean it so hard. That's why watching young Eldrick yesterday cast my biliary system into full revolt.

Le Tigre apologized to everyone but my mother, and that's with Vega$ listing the long-hitting sex commando having had a carnal friendship with her at 3:2. I threw down $500 (sorry Mom).

I get it--you're sad about losing love, respect, millions in pitchman bucks and the adoration of young mothers in the Midwest.  But, let's face it, Tiger--you were living the Denny DelVecchio Lifestyle (with a couple of pups and Swedish model wife tossed in). The only thing that you needed to make amends for is sowing the sweet oats that your maker blessed you with. Look in the mirror and you'll see me staring back at you. Feels good, doesn't it?

Now get back up there and apologize--for apologizing.

Denny DelVecchio

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