"Many of us on the Cairo political sidelines are hoping against hope that our leader will yield to both the polity and Babi, the Baboon God of Death and Virility, by abdicating his high station and. . . well, whatever the hell comes next. I'm not exactly motherfucking Hemsut, am I? But I'd heed the people's call if need be," said the still decomposing, power-famished Cannibal of the Sands.
Although Imhotep had privately suggested to opposition leaders that a forced embalming and fire-fueled burnt offering to Anubus--the jackal deity of death and the underworld--might fit the bill, the bandage-addled Carapace of the Dead has toned down his rhetoric to a place where a simple Mubarak resignation on a half-pension would be sufficient to satiate the undead beast's preternatural bloodlust.
Brendan Fraser, believed to be on the set of his new Sanford & Son reboot, was unable to be reached for a comment as of press time.
Hard Hitting,
Denny DelVecchio
