|Eagle/Whitesnake/Wiggle/Greedo/Nordic Track-Themed Number|
Besides the cruel white indoor light boring into what's left of your benumbed soul and/or you hoping against hope that your cock-swallow of a supervisor hasn't installed internet tracking software on your 1999 Compaq Presario, you don't have much in the way of mirth staring you in the face (or anywhere else...like your PENIS).
Well stay tuned this week as Double D unfurls these panty-moistening slices of what Esquire has called "mock-journalistic reverse cowgirl for the masses."
And, by special request of Carthage College Baseball Coach Augie Schmidt, IV, we're doing it Billboard Music Award Style:
Party/Bacardi rhyme garners 2011 Soul Train Lifetime Achievement Award.
Dismissive Toni Basil Fan Club Vice-Pres: "Mickey not even in Toni's Top 10."
D.J. humbly disavows responsibility for getting you falling in love again.
New 'She'riff in Town?: Rihanna's yawning vagina now preferred 4:1 To Britney's.
Rumors of Kanye West being underrated overrated.
Report: Richard Marx will totally suck your dick if you love him again.
Usher promises to leave club on next song.
Emaciated dandy's plea to thuggish street gangs: "show them how funky strong is your fight."
Actual pitbull still waiting for guest cameo in loving home.
Passionate About His Music,